ISSA - International Slalom Skateboarding Association

HEY KIDS! What's That Smell Productions is proud to present:

NJ OUTLAW SKATE JAM 09: Recession Session.

SATURDAY MAY 9TH AT 1pm!

SLALOM! lONGBOARDING! PUNK ROCK! MAYHEM! DEBAUCHERY! PUNCH AND PIE! EXCLAMATION POINTS!!! CRAPPY DOLLAR STORE PRIZES!


120 West Century Road
Paramus, NJ 07652

Come down and skate a long hill empty of cars and full of cones and jerks on skateboards. Never tried Slalom Skateboarding before and your feeling a little bi-curious? Here's your chance. Courses will be set and instruction along with random encouraging insults will be given. Bring the longboards too, this hill is long and great for carving. Will also be having a biggest quiver brought contest, so everyone can swap boards and try different setups.

PIES AND CRAPPY DOLLAR STORE PRIZES WILL BE GIVEN FOR THE FOLLOWING:

Biggest Quiver Brought
Longest Longboard (board must be skated down the hill)
Fastest Learning Beginner
Slowest learning beginner

Will also be having a FULL CONTACT CATERMARAN RACE!! Don't know what full contact catermaran racing is? COME AND FIND OUT!

SATURDAY, MAY 9TH 1pm!

120 West Century Road
Paramus, NJ 07652

Please note: This is an outlaw skateboarding event. Backup locations are within 5 minutes in case we run into trouble, but we haven't had any problems in this location yet. Anyhow, What's That Smell Productions is not responsible if you get hurt, injured, arrested, drunk, splinters, contract an STD, Scurvey, Botchalism, AIDS, Some sort of rare skin disease, A presonality disorder, An addiction to full contact catarmaran racing, a pool noodle in the eye, etc. In fact, What's That Smell Productions is a complete phony and bullshit name, so good luck trying to point blame at anyone.

Come out and prove that D.I.Y. Skateboarding still exsists!!

Is What's That Smell Productions a subsidiary of Pull My Finger Enterprises?

I think you should add a "biggest wound" prize as well after those full-contact catamaran shenanigans. Heck, you could have two: Oozing and Non-Oozing.

I <3 Jersey.

I like where this is headed!

I've always wanted to do a catamaran slalom course

Joe Iacovelli wrote:I've always wanted to do a catamaran slalom course

And I've always wanted to beat people with pool noodles and foam bats Mad Max style while skating. DREAMS CAN COME TRUE!!

NJ - then QC two weeks later...I'll need to learn how to say douchebag in French, and explain to the border patrol why there is pie in my crotch.

I'll be there...is this near the HMS Halfpipe?

Are trimarans allowed in the catamaran race?

-RF

Rick Floyd wrote:NJ - then QC two weeks later...I'll need to learn how to say douchebag in French, and explain to the border patrol why there is pie in my crotch.

I'll be there...is this near the HMS Halfpipe?

Are trimarans allowed in the catamaran race?

-RF

Don't know about the HMS Half, there's a big half pipe 10 minutes away in Midland Park, but its owned by some church group that never opens it. Bring bolt cutters and we can skate it.

Rules for catamaran will be decided by how many beers I've had and how fucked up we get on the first couple of tries.

Robert J Herten wrote:

Rick Floyd wrote:NJ - then QC two weeks later...I'll need to learn how to say douchebag in French, and explain to the border patrol why there is pie in my crotch.

I'll be there...is this near the HMS Halfpipe?

Are trimarans allowed in the catamaran race?

-RF

Don't know about the HMS Half, there's a big half pipe 10 minutes away in Midland Park, but its owned by some church group that never opens it. Bring bolt cutters and we can skate it.

Rules for catamaran will be decided by how many beers I've had and how fucked up we get on the first couple of tries.

Church halfpipe - now isn't that SPECIAL!

I used to break into the rectory when my dad was an Episcopal minister to steal the wine - so bolt cutters are no sin for me!

I like that - the rules will be decided by level of drunkenness...perfect. Have you thought of applying for a position on the BOD of JISSA??

-RF

Raab is the Minister of CUlture of the JISSA.

Catamaran?
Several of the lil' girl daughter chilrun have hip scars from having been taught that black art.
As for me?

The practice always sparked latent homophobia while locking legs with another guy and staring at his crotch but hey, if New Joisey won't come to me, I might have to go to Joisey and take one for the team.

But back to my politically incorrect Neanderthal issues - who remembers Raquel in the cave girl outfit? - could we arrange for any of the fenonmale non-related and of age persuasion to ride co-ed ala Paris Hilton?

Brian Morgan wrote:Catamaran?
Several of the lil' girl daughter chilrun have hip scars from having been taught that black art.
As for me?

The practice always sparked latent homophobia while locking legs with another guy and staring at his crotch but hey, if New Joisey won't come to me, I might have to go to Joisey and take one for the team.

But back to my politically incorrect Neanderthal issues - who remembers Raquel in the cave girl outfit? - could we arrange for any of the fenonmale non-related and of age persuasion to ride co-ed ala Paris Hilton?

I hadn't considered it...but...do I HAVE TO Catamaran with any dude who might be inclined to wear a KILT!?!?

zactly.

Now I've been working on a kevlar kilt for fatty - by the way, what's your tartan? - but if we're going to Catamaran, there's going to be a bag sack.

I RIDE a Fullbag, but I don't want to SEE one or WEAR one. I'm kind of a monohull guy - but I have heard that trimarans are fun with the right people.

no kilt for this race - I fear tetanus or skurvy

Ron Barbagallo wrote:no kilt for this race - I fear tetanus or skurvy

AP - Somewhere in Jersey

"He was injured in a terrible skateboard accident when his kilt and dingle balls became tangled in the wheels of his skateboard. He careened out of control and was thrown head first into a large pie."

For all you homophobes, I'll give you the address to Ragtime Bar in Paterson, where you'll easily be able to persude one of the fine working girls there to come and be your partner for a very low price. However, the whole warning I posted above about getting STD's or AIDS should now be taken quite literally. The good thing though, is you won't have to worry about them knocking their teeth out, since most of them are missing quite a few.

We even have a 'singles' full contact assboarding race. I call dibs on Fatboy's Turtle though.

Robert J Herten wrote:For all you homophobes, I'll give you the address to Ragtime Bar in Paterson, where you'll easily be able to persude one of the fine working girls there to come and be your partner for a very low price. However, the whole warning I posted above about getting STD's or AIDS should now be taken quite literally. The good thing though, is you won't have to worry about them knocking their teeth out, since most of them are missing quite a few.

Sweet! Team 1-I (one eye) lives! give the six-fingered wave everyone!

shut up rick.

Robert J Herten wrote:shut up rick.

For anyone who needs a translation, that's New Jersey-speak for "Hey, how's it going".

Hey you morons - are we still on for this? I just might deem it acceptable to drive down and skate with y'all if you don't make any jokes about hippies who make ice cream or pirate-hating sea captains.

Yes! and we are +1 more from CT, Tess Herman in the hizzouse

There will also be cages near the bottom where we will lock up Ice Cream making Hippies and Pirate Hating sea captians.

Joe Iacovelli wrote:Yes! and we are +1 more from CT, Tess Herman in the hizzouse

Alright! The Colorado wild woman!!

Are you guys staying Saturday night down there? I'm planning to drive down Sat. AM, but not sure I want to head all the way back to VT that night.

Robert J Herten wrote:There will also be cages near the bottom where we will lock up Ice Cream making Hippies and Pirate Hating sea captians.

Bad idea...they don't get along well.

Duck shit? I hope there are no "bird strikes".

I'm definitely coming down, plus one or two friends who have never skated slalom before.

I'll have a couple of extra slalom boards to loan

Please be sure to let me know if you are of Pro status or not so we can be sure there's enough Pepporoni Pizza and Philly Cheese Steak Hot Pockets available on the swag table. I really don't want to have to read about a Pro trashing my good name on a internet site after the race because they were poorly compansated for.

I'm sooooo there!

"Break into the rect..........................."?


No... Tooo easy..


I'm hitting most events on the Right Coast this Spring/Summer.


Will be good to meet many of ya'll....



Joe, you goin?


Bob F

Me and my 13 yr old guitar playing front man will be there.

But you? Dude you're a myth, Santa, Big Foot, hetero friendly lesbians got nuthin on you.

I'll believe you when I see you (and subsequently beat you)

I was coming fer sher. NOW, to get beat by you?


Perhaps I mis-read the initial post. Doesn't seem to be a race. But then, what's to stop a friendly one eh?


I'll race you on a "78" Turner just for giggles.


Bring sumptin quick.


Oh Joy!


B

Oh it's a race, with a proper timer, actual cones, and foam bats.

Will be most fun then.


B

Its mostly a clinic/skate jam. But their will be a timer, so there will be competition should you happen to care about that sort of thing.

what, no internet points?

l\Looking forward to meeting some of the Joisy crew. My New England accent shouldn't stick out like it does here in Balmer.


Hey Joe. If I can get a power inverter from work I'll bringthe Peavy Vypyr 30W practice amp I just bought and a vintage Gibson. Frontman can jam away if he likes.




Bob

he would like, check you email for a pic

Looks like I'm bringing my brother and a friend up from Balmer to share the stoke.


We'll have about 6 boards with us.



I'll bring 35 cones as well.

I hope to make it down to this event. I will also be looking for a Catamaran partner for the World Championships of Catamaran Skateboarding. My qualifications for this race run fairly deep. In 1975 my friend and I had a 5 race unbeaten streak. The streak ended in a tragic accident that involved a loose shoe lace sucked under a wheel and several layers of abraded butt skin. The nightmares have started to subside; I think I am ready to climb back on that pony and go for it. I promise to wear at least shorts and underwear and expect the same from my potential partner. I am 6 foot tall and in the 200+lbs club, I will be gentle if this is your first time. Please respond.

I suggest Wesley Tucker. He wears those velcro sneakers.

Foam bats? I thought Halloween was in the fall? Oh, wait...I forgot...every day is Halloween in Jersey. I'll bring Candy, and possibly Mandy and Sandy too.

I'm concerned there wil be no JISSA points.

Are trimarans allowed?

Should I bring my guitar and amp?

What exit?

I almost whipped out the "what exit" thing but thought better.

Now I regret not having done so.


I may be only able to get 1 power inverter. I'm not sure it could power 2 amps. perhaps it could...... I'll have to work on that one.


I told my brother it was this weekend, then he tells me it's next weekend...


Looks like my next door neihboor gets her wish and rides the........



Oh,,, never mind......

Guys, please remember this is an outlaw. Guitars and amps sound like fun, but please leave them in the car until were done skating. We don't want to have any added attention drawn to the spot. Its well hidden from the main road, but amplified amateur guitar playing will make dogs bark and make cops come investigate.

Maybe once were done skating we can figure out a way onto the roof and you guys can pretend your the beatles. Or, since I hate the beatles, (I like Lennon's solo stuff better) I'll make a fake boat and you can pretend to be the Sex Pistols crashing the regalia or whatever the hell that thing was.

And to keep things fun, anybody that pulls out a guitar or plugs in an amp before the skating is done will get kicked directly in the balls or vagina (hey, I believe in equal rights).

Nick started it...

sooooooooo I should call and cancel the Octoberfest Oompah Auxillary ?

Ron Barbagallo wrote:sooooooooo I should call and cancel the Octoberfest Oompah Auxillary ?

Therez gonna be an October Oompah Outlaw??

I'll leave the fiddle home and stick to skating.



Last thing I need is to hassled for skating AGAIN!

Bob Frias wrote:I'll leave the fiddle home and stick to skating.



Last thing I need is to hassled for skating AGAIN!

We'll just have to play tunes on the skate-fiddle!! Just don't hit that first cone or....

Hey Rob, Ron and friends,

What courses are we racing on - TS / HY / GS?

Foot-braking required?

Food/Water nearby?

Entry fee?

-Rick

Jesus tap dancing christ on a battleship.

READ THE FIRST POST.

Its a clinic/jam. Designed for beginners. People who don't skate slalom are going to show up with longboards. Courses will be designed depending on how many beginners show up. THIS IS NOT A RACE. There will be a timer, however, so we will be taking times and recording them, but, IF YOUR LOOKING FOR SERIOUS COMPITITION IN A BIG RACE FORMAT, THIS IS NOT A RACE FOR YOU. This is a get together for people who like to skate and maybe we can introduce some new people to slalom. Its a jam/fun/good time skate session. Not a how many cones/am I in the am or pro class/wah wah wah hassle.

So to sum up:

Bring ALL YOUR SLALOM BOARDS. Your longboards too.

There's a runout so there's no foot braking required.

There's a super market and things like that about two miles up the road.

This is an OUTLAW. So there's no entry fee. Unless you wanna give me bud, since its been dry here lately. Hence the testy response your getting now.

Don't make me powder up my pimp hand.

Robert J Herten wrote:Jesus tap dancing christ on a battleship.

READ THE FIRST POST.

Its a clinic/jam. Designed for beginners. People who don't skate slalom are going to show up with longboards. Courses will be designed depending on how many beginners show up. THIS IS NOT A RACE. There will be a timer, however, so we will be taking times and recording them, but, IF YOUR LOOKING FOR SERIOUS COMPITITION IN A BIG RACE FORMAT, THIS IS NOT A RACE FOR YOU. This is a get together for people who like to skate and maybe we can introduce some new people to slalom. Its a jam/fun/good time skate session. Not a how many cones/am I in the am or pro class/wah wah wah hassle.

So to sum up:

Bring ALL YOUR SLALOM BOARDS. Your longboards too.

There's a runout so there's no foot braking required.

There's a super market and things like that about two miles up the road.

This is an OUTLAW. So there's no entry fee. Unless you wanna give me bud, since its been dry here lately. Hence the testy response your getting now.

Don't make me powder up my pimp hand.

Thanks for clearing that up Rob...enjoy.